An Almost Ordinary day?
by SilverSoul
Summary: Cyril awoke suddenly that morning to find himself hovering vertically a few above his bed... WOAH!... read on to find out what happens next!
1. Breakfast Anyone?

**Chapter 1**

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**_Breakfast Anyone??_**

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Cyril awoke suddenly that morning to find himself hovering vertically a few above his bed. It was the third time that week that it happened but Cyril thought it was a side effect of eating birdseed, after all his parents were feeding it to him. Cyril swung his legs off the bed and fell… he'd forgotten to use the ladders as he had a new bunk bed and insisted that he'd sleep on the top bunk. Lying on a pile on the floor, he simply dragged himself to the bathroom. Using the sink to pull himself up he noticed there was an extra toothbrush in the cupboard. He heard a faint splash coming from behind the shower curtain. Feeling slightly apprehensive he quickly peeled back the curtain. There sitting in the bath tub with bubbles up to her neck was Cyril's Grandmother!

"Holy Hell!" Cyril screamed

"Ello Cyril my dear!" Said Granny in a Cockney accent

"What The F… erm What are you doing here?" He questioned.

"Taking a bath, what does it look like?"

            Cyril suddenly realised that in front of him was a relative that resembled a shriveled prune, naked in the bath!! Feeling a sudden pulse in his brain he whipped the shower curtain closed and ran. Running so fast he tripped on the rug and found himself, yet again, on the floor. Stumbling through the doorframe he dived onto the bottom bunk.

"Aaaaarrrrggghhhh! GRANDAD???"

"Gees Son, did you have to do that? I think you dislocated my god-damn hip!" Said Gramps.

"What are you doing in my bedroom?" he asked his Grandfather

"Not just your room sonny! I'll be staying for a few days!"

            Cyril was given a violent shove back into reality. If Gramps was staying in the bottom bunk, where did Granny plan to make her bed? Feeling a sudden about of depression Cyril grabbed his clothes from the draw and headed for the privacy of his parent's room. Cyril was thinking whilst subconsciously getting dressed. Why were the older generations in the family taking over the house? Why couldn't his Grandparents sleep in the shed? And why, why was he putting on his grandmother's best dress?? Feeling very sickened he jumped out of the dress and stumbled down the stairs. He ran into the garden and pointed the garden hose at himself. His hand was poised on the tap when Cyril's father appeared in the doorway.

"A, A, A! You can't do that!" His dad explained

"Why not?"

"No Water!"

"No water? NO WATER!! Why the hell don't we have any water??"

"We didn't pay the bills!"

"How did Grandma run a bath then?"

"Bath? No son, that's not water!"

"What is it then?"

"Remember the erm… Weak Bladder?"

"URGH gross! Hang on, what about the bubbles?"

"Flatulence!" 

            Cyril was thoroughly disgusted with himself. He had already seen his Grandmother naked, dislocated his Grandfather's hip and put on a dress and he currently felt like he was covered in layer upon layer of his Granny's dead skin. He hadn't even had breakfast yet!


	2. Voices In The Basement

**Chapter 2**

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Voices In The Basement 

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            Cyril went in search of water. The pond had dried up, the water barrel was completely empty and not even the loo had water in it! There was just a pile of excrement in the bottom of the toilet, which Cyril suspected was Granny's idea of shampoo! On finding no water he searched for his cat Bugger. He thought that at least the sandpaper like action of a cat's tongue could shift the grime and grease off his skin.

"Bugger…BUGGER!!" Shouted Cyril as he looked for his cat (Please Note: I had to refrain from using the other- much ruder- word for cat then!!)

"What have you done now C?" Asked his mum

"Nothing! I'm looking for the cat!"

"Erm… yes… about that… Well, Bugger is Dead!"

"WHAT? My Bugger's… gone!! No… Noooo!"

"I'm sorry dear… we found him last week! Terrible state… A big tyre mark right across his side!"

"Where…where is he?"

"On the barbecue dear! We have no other meat! I'm sorry dear!"

"Oh! Well…where's Mo?"

"Who?"

"You know Mo! Short for Moron! THE DOG!"

"Oh, She's asleep in the basement!"

            Cyril gave up on his search for water but still headed down to the basement in search for his dog Moron. 

            He stood at the closed basement door with his hand poised on the handle. He could hear voices but this time they weren't in his head, they were behind the door.

            Cyril was confused. Why would there be so many people down in his basement? He didn't know but he was going to find out. He thrust the handle downwards and pushed the door open.

            The voices seemed louder, more clearer and strangely as if the people speaking, were under the influence of alcohol. He cautiously made his way down the stairs and the voices continued. He could also hear the scraping of chairs and the clinking of glass. What was going on he thought.

He reached the bottom of the wooden stairs and could now hear what the people were saying:

"It should happen soon! He's showing all the signs!" Said and excited old hag.

"Yep the rest of the family are so proud!" Replied an elderly looking man, smoking a pipe out of which was billowing plumes of thick pink smoke.

            Cyril cleared his throat loudly and the room silenced. A young, pretty girl with flowing, long, blonde hair choked spraying Orange juice onto the floor:

"OH MY GOSH…There he is!!!" She stuttered.

            Everyone turned their heads round and Cyril glared at all the people cramped into his basement. Why was everyone looking at him? How did all these people get into his basement without him noticing?

"Erm… um…Hi?" said Cyril feeling very stupid and embarrassed!

"Ello there Sonny! Top o' the mornin' to yeh!" said a voice behind him.

            Cyril spun round wildly, half expecting to be greeted by another random family member, he found that no one was there. He turned back round t face the rest of the room only to find that most of the people had returned to their drinks and games of cards.

"Erm…I said hello to yeh!" said the same voice as before

            This time Cyril turned very slowly but still found nobody behind him. He was about to turn back round when he felt a sharp tug on his boxers. Slowly looking down he was greeted by a tiny man around four feet in height. He was wearing a grass green suit with shiny black, pointed shoes and a black belt. He looked fairly young with messy, thick brown hair and a rough beard. In his hand he held a roughly carved wooden staff encrusted with emeralds which shone in the sunlight.

"Erm…Hi?" Said nervously 

"Have a drink, you look like you've seen a ghost!" Said the man pointing t a bar running across one side of the basement. "Non-Alcoholic of course!" he hiccoughed.

            Cyril stood rooted to the floor. Why were all the women still looking at him? He hadn't done anything special or said anything important. The girls started pointing and giggling hysterically. Suddenly Cyril understood. He **hadn't** done anything important…and that included getting dressed!! He was standing in front of 50 or more people, down in his basement… in just his boxers!

Feeling embarrassed he sprinted back up the stairs tripping on the top step and launching himself into the closed door. Suddenly the door sprung open and then closed again when he had passed through it. Stumbling, he got up and ran into the Living room searching for his parents.

"MUMM… DAD!"

He finally found them in the kitchen huddled around the scrubbed wooden table each of them holding sticks. Strange, he thought… his parents always did have a weird fascination with twigs and sticks of all shapes and sizes. 

As soon as they spotted their son they literally threw the sticks down onto the table and pretended to be looking at a stain on the table made by an aggressive tea pot.

"Oh Cyril dear… did you call us?" His mother said innocently.

"Leprechaun… Hag… VAMPIRE?"

"Cyril … are… are you alright?" said his father as he leapt forward to check his temperature.

"Yes dear are you feeling alright? You've been acting a bit strange lately."

"Basement… There is a PUB in the basement!"

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Oohhh…. What happens next??

I'm going to have to make this good aren't otherwise you won't review it…

Big plans is all I'm guna say…BIG PLANS!!


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